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Fostering Confidence and Emotional Resilience in Highly Sensitive Children
My son likes to say, "I'm the worst," when things don't go his way. He becomes more frustrated, upset, angry, and down on himself. And, I often find myself navigating a whirlwind of emotions—both his and mine throughout these episodes. My son feels everything so deeply, from the joy of a simple compliment to the disappointment of not getting what he wants. It’s one of the things I love most about him, but it also means that even small setbacks can feel like the end of the world. And again, even last week, he wasn’t chosen to play in a game at school, and instead of brushing it off, he said quietly,
“No one ever wants me around. I’m just not good enough.”
Hearing those words broke me.
I knew it wasn’t just about the game; it was the weight of his feelings crashing down on him. I’m sure other parents can relate to the heartache of seeing your child struggle with self-doubt, especially when you know they’re capable of so much more. It’s in these moments that I realize how important it is for us as parents to come together, share our experiences, and help our children build the resilience they need to navigate life’s challenges without letting negative thoughts hold them back.
In this article, we’ll explore the key strategies to help our highly sensitive children thrive emotionally. We'll cover practical steps such as understanding emotional intelligence, combating negative self-talk, and encouraging healthy risk-taking.
Is my child highly sensitive?
Have you ever noticed your child becoming overwhelmed by situations that seem ordinary to others?
They might get upset by a crowded room, loud noises, or even the emotions of people around them. These behaviors may leave you wondering: Why is this upsetting my child so much? Understanding the root cause of this sensitivity is essential to providing the right kind of support.
A highly sensitive child may react more intensely to physical and emotional stimuli. These children are often labeled as "too emotional" or "overreacting," but the truth is their brains are wired to process information more deeply. Much like a sponge, they absorb everything around them—sights, sounds, emotions—leading to a heightened state of awareness. This ability can feel overwhelming, but it also gives them a unique perspective on the world.
What causes a sensitive child?
Both genetics and environmental factors can influence sensitivity in children. Studies show that approximately 15-20% of children are born with heightened sensitivity, meaning that their nervous systems are more reactive to subtle changes in their environment (Psychology Today). Imagine it like having the volume turned up on all senses—while other children may only notice the loudest noises or brightest lights, your child picks up on even the smallest stimuli.
While this heightened awareness can sometimes feel like a burden for your child, it’s important to remember that this sensitivity is a gift. They may be more empathetic, creative, and intuitive than their peers. The challenge is learning how to help them harness these traits positively.
How can you help your child turn their sensitivity into a superpower?
By understanding and validating their emotions, you can teach your child that their sensitivity is not a weakness but a strength. The key is to show them how to manage their emotional responses effectively and to see their unique perspective as a powerful tool for navigating the world.
Emotional Intelligence: The Foundation of Confidence
If you had the ability to understand and manage every emotion you felt, how different would your life be?
For highly sensitive children, emotional intelligence (EQ) is a critical tool for managing their emotional intensity. But how can you help your child build emotional intelligence and develop a strong sense of self?
Emotional intelligence is the capacity to understand and manage emotions—both your own and those of others. For highly sensitive children, building emotional intelligence is essential because it enables them to navigate their heightened emotional responses more effectively. Think of it like giving your child a roadmap for understanding their emotional landscape.
Highly emotional children often feel emotions in extreme ways. A small disagreement with a friend can feel like the end of the world, and a compliment can feel like they’ve just won an award. Helping your child to label and express their emotions is the first step in developing their emotional intelligence. For example, when your child is upset, try saying, "It looks like you're feeling frustrated right now. Can you tell me why?"
By doing this, you’re giving your child the language to articulate their emotions, helping them see that feelings, even uncomfortable ones, are temporary and manageable.
But how can you ensure your child learns to manage these emotions rather than being overwhelmed by them?
The next step in building emotional intelligence is teaching your child emotional regulation. This involves helping them learn to respond to their emotions in healthy ways, whether through breathing exercises, journaling, or talking things out. As they develop this skill, they’ll become more confident in their ability to face life’s challenges without being derailed by strong emotions.
Parenting Hack: Use relatable characters from your child’s favorite TV shows or books to help them understand emotions. Ask questions like, "How do you think this character felt when they faced this challenge?" It makes the concept more relatable and easier for children to grasp.
Combating Negative Self-Talk: The Inner Critic
Has your child ever said,
"I'm the worst. I always make bad choices."
We all have that little voice inside our heads that sometimes tells us we’re not good enough. For highly sensitive children, that voice—their inner critic—can be particularly loud. How can you help your child silence this inner critic and replace it with positive, empowering thoughts?
Negative self-talk can be crippling, especially for a child who feels emotions so deeply. Your child might say things like, "I’m terrible at this," or "I always mess up." If left unchecked, this kind of thinking can erode their self-esteem over time, leading to anxiety and low confidence.
The first step in combating negative self-talk is helping your child recognize it. Whenever your child expresses self-doubt or negative thoughts, gently point it out. You might say, "I noticed you said you’re not good at drawing. Why do you think that?" This opens up a conversation about their feelings and allows you to challenge those thoughts together.
Next, introduce the concept of "positive reframing." This involves taking a negative thought and turning it into something constructive. If your child says, "I’ll never be good at this," encourage them to add the word "yet" to the end of the sentence: "I’m not good at this... yet."
But how can you help your child believe these positive thoughts when the negative ones feel so powerful?
One powerful strategy is to use visualization and positive affirmations. Ask your child to close their eyes and imagine a time when they succeeded at something they once thought was difficult. Then, ask them to describe that moment in detail. This helps them recall their strengths and see that they are capable of overcoming challenges.
Parenting Hack: Create a "victory wall" where your child can post reminders of their achievements, big or small. This visual reminder helps counteract negative self-talk by focusing on positive outcomes.
How to Embrace Failure
Imagine a world where no one ever tried anything new because they were too afraid to fail. Innovation, progress, and creativity would come to a standstill. How do we encourage our kids to embrace failure?
Highly emotional children are often perfectionists, afraid to try new things because they fear making mistakes. They may view failure as a reflection of their worth, which can prevent them from taking the very risks that lead to growth and development. But here’s the thing: failure is not the end—it’s just the beginning of learning.
To help your child embrace failure, start by sharing your own experiences. Let them know that even adults fail, and it’s not something to be ashamed of. Tell them about a time when you made a mistake and what you learned from it. This normalizes failure and makes it less intimidating.
But what if your child is still afraid to try something new?
A practical way to encourage risk-taking is to focus on effort rather than outcomes. When your child tries something new, praise their effort, even if the result isn’t perfect. For example, if they attempt to ride a bike but fall, say, "I’m so proud of you for trying! Every time you practice, you get a little closer."
Parenting Hack: Try using the "two-minute challenge." Encourage your child to try something new for just two minutes. If they feel uncomfortable or scared after that time, they can stop, but chances are they’ll realize it’s not as scary as they thought.
Building Self-Confidence Through Positive Reinforcement
Do you remember how it felt the first time someone praised you for something you worked hard on?
That burst of pride and confidence is exactly what positive reinforcement can give your child. But how do you use positive reinforcement effectively without creating pressure or dependency on external validation?
Positive reinforcement works by rewarding desired behaviors, which helps children feel valued and builds their self-esteem. For highly sensitive children, this kind of reinforcement is especially important because they often doubt their abilities. However, it’s important to strike a balance—too much praise can create pressure, while too little can leave them feeling unnoticed.
When offering positive reinforcement, be specific about what you’re praising. Instead of saying, "Good job," try,
"I really liked how you stayed calm and kept trying even when the puzzle was hard."
This not only boosts their confidence but also reinforces the behavior you want to see. But what happens when praise backfires, and your child starts to feel like they always need to be perfect?
To avoid this, focus on effort-based praise.
Highlight the process, not just the outcome.
This teaches your child that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as they’re learning and growing.
Parenting Hack: Create a "confidence jar" where you and your child can write down moments when they felt proud of themselves. Read through the slips of paper together whenever your child needs a confidence boost.
Practicing Mindfulness and Emotions
When was the last time you felt completely present in the moment, free from worries about the past or future? For highly sensitive children, mindfulness can be a powerful tool for managing overwhelming emotions
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. For highly emotional children, it offers a way to step back from their emotions and observe them without becoming overwhelmed. Think of mindfulness as a pause button for the brain, allowing your child to process emotions before reacting to them.
Start by teaching your child simple mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. One easy exercise is to have your child close their eyes and imagine blowing up a balloon. As they take a deep breath, they "blow up" the balloon, and when they exhale, they slowly "release" the air.
But how can mindfulness really help your child when emotions run high?
Mindfulness helps children create space between their emotions and their reactions. Instead of immediately reacting to frustration or anger, mindfulness teaches them to observe their feelings, accept them, and let them pass.
Parenting Hack: Make mindfulness a family activity. Try practicing a mindful minute together before meals or bedtime. This shared experience will help your child feel more comfortable with the practice and reinforce its importance.
Raising a emotional child comes with its own set of challenges, but with understanding and the right tools, you can help your child build emotional resilience and self-confidence. Focus on fostering emotional intelligence, combating negative self-talk, and encouraging a growth mindset. Use mindfulness and positive reinforcement to guide your child through their emotional development, and always remember that their sensitivity is part of what makes them special. With your support, they’ll grow into emotionally strong, confident individuals ready to tackle whatever life throws at them.
Here’s to raising resilient, confident, and happy children!
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